Bus To Heaven

As you may or may not know, I was struggling to get out of Argentina for a bit there. So, I abandoned plans for Santiago and went North in hopes of crossing over into Chile via bus through the Andes and Atacama desert.

I set my alarm for 6 AM in hopes of catching that bus at 7. The following is an account of how everything played out.

At 5:59 AM I am awoken by a voice and a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

God: Mornin, Sunshine. 
Me: Um, hi. If you don't mind, I've got another 57 seconds to sleep. Wait, what are you doing here?
God: Did you really want to wake up to that terrible alarm beeping?
Me: Well, no.
God: So shut it off before it wakes everyone else up. Now get moving because I've got something to show you today.
Me: Alright, alright. But if you wouldn't mind not watching for a second, I'm sort of super nude under these sheets. 
God: Um, if you don't recall, I created you and know exactly what you're packin.
Me: Good point. Well then, feel free to feast your eyes on your handiwork. 

God looked over all that he had created and said that it was good. I proceeded to gather myself, my things, and get to the bus terminal. Caught my bus without problems, found my seat and sat.

Me: Here I am, on the bus as you suggested. Now what?
God: Now what? It's still dark out. Plus you've already seen everything around here. Go back to sleep for a while. I'll let you know when things are about to kick off.
Me: Oh thank God! I mean, thank  you. As you know, 6 AM and I don't get along so well.

So I slept for a couple hours. Then, I was awoken by a familiar voice.

God: Arise my son!
Me: Thanks, but I'm good right here.
God: Well, you know what I mean. Just wake up. The show is about to begin.

I look out the window to see nothing but a cloudy sky and rather dull landscape. 

Me: Ummmmmm, not to doubt your almighty powers or anything, but this sucks. 
God: Just wait for it.
Me: Fine, but just to warn you, I've seen some pretty amazing things on this trip. Things like Machu Picchu, Iguazu Falls, and there was that month in Patagonia. It's gonna take something pretty special to get me worked up. 
God: Oh ye of little faith, you're about to get your face rocked off. 
Me: Actually I'd rather hold on to my face. You did some good work on that piece too. But whatever. It's all you, Big Guy. Wow me.
God: I really appreciate your permission. Cuz thats totally what I was waiting for. Alright, so what say we clear this sky and give ourselves a blank canvas to work with?

Behold, I look up and there is nothing but blue sky and we are approaching the mountains. 

Me: I've seen a blue sky or two in my day. What else ya got?
God: Remember, it's a canvas. Now strap in. The next several hours are gonna get groovy.
Me: Groovy? Tehehe. God said groovy.
God: Ever seen a purple hill before? 
Me: Can't say that I have. 
God: Well check this out.

Indeed, around the bend was a purple hill.

Me: Actually that's pretty sweet.
God: You ain't seen nothin yet. Now how bout I throw some red in with that purple on the next one?

Behold. A purple hill with red streaks through it. 

Me: Beautiful!
God: Feel free to get your camera out, but just to warn you, any pictures you take just won't tell the story. 
Me: I understand, but I'd like to at least try and give the folks back home a hint as to what's goin on out here.
God: It's kind of a "you had to be there" sort of thing, but by all means, give it a shot. Now, how's about some green and orange action on the next hill?

The next couple hours of the trip were packed full of the craziest colored hills, mountains, canyons, and valleys I've ever seen. As we progressed, the intensity, quantity, and proximity of these blue, green, yellow, orange, purple, and every other colored features increased. At one point I looked over and saw a couple sleeping on the bus. I knew it was my duty to make sure they didn't miss the show. So I woke them and gestured to the landscape. They thanked me more than once. It was also about this time that I gave up with the camera. It wasn't seein what I was seein.

Me: Wow! Ok, I'm actually very impressed and loving every second of this. Thank you!
God: Oh this isn't all I got on the menu. We are just getting to a respectable altitude. Time to throw in some white to this concoction of colors. 
Me: Woah! Is that a frozen waterfall?
God: You can bet that pretty face of yours it is. Now, I know we aren't in Antarctica or in the Arctic up North, but I'm thinking this would be a good place for the only ice fields outside of those areas. 
Me: Wait, can you do that?
God: We are at 13,000+ feet in the most beautiful desert on earth, of course I can do that. Plus, you know, I am God and all, so that helps.

Sure enough, I get bombarded by ice fields, insane frozen sculptures, fantastic lakes, and of course it wouldn't be complete without some salt flats as well. Mix all that in with the colors of the surrounding mountains, and words fail to describe how absolutely epic and overpowering the scenery is. 

Me: I didn't even know this could all exist, let alone in one place. It's like you painted all this. 
God: Actually, I put a fresh coat on it this morning. Just for you.

Now let me just say something. I never cry. Like ever. Well, I mean there was this one time a long time ago, but we have worn out the statute of limitations on that one. 

Nevertheless, the magnitude of this scenery is so immense that the next thing I know, a tear escapes the blockades and makes a run for the southern border of my face. Then, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window, and what I saw was the happiest person in the world. He had a massive smile on a face decorated by a glimmering tear or two. The emotion just couldn't be held in. I was overflowing with a gratitude and happiness unknown for quite some time.

Me: (smiling, shrugging motions, other random gestures, but no words)
God: I know. You're welcome.

And then God and I totally hugged it out.

So that's basically what happened in my five hours in heaven. I have successfully exited Argentina and I could not be more pleased with how events played out.

And seriously, if you guys tell anyone I cried, I WILL hunt you down. Besides, it was hardly crying. Just a couple rogue tears, and nothing more. But still, don't tell.